Post-Vote Brain Break

The polls are just about to open in ET, CT, and MT, another half hour for PT, and they're already open in the Maritimes and Newfoundland. So you should go out and vote, and then come back and read this brain break.

Are any of the leaders going to have a good day today? Watch the outreach of my investigative journalism as I check with the experts—also known as, reading their horoscopes.

In the process of doing this I discovered that all of the leaders were born sometime between April 30th and July 22nd. Is that weird or is that weird? Why are they dominating one quarter of the year? Both the Amazing Housemate and I also have birthdays between April 30 and July 22, does this mean we are destined to be in politics?

Anyway, this means that several of the leaders share signs, which sounds like it would make things more boring, but actually is really interesting when you look at WHO shares signs.

Stephen Harper and Michael Ignatieff—Taurus

Your workload will increase dramatically over the next few days, so make sure you get your chores out of the way as quickly as possible. If you fall behind now it may be a long time before you catch up again, so get it done.

That it will… that it will…

No matter how modest your goals are today, there will be some foggy energy or friendship dramas that could interrupt things and make major forward movement difficult right now. But do not worry! You will have a realistic awareness of what you can and cannot accomplish, so this will help keep things in perspective -- and you in a positive frame of mind. So save what you can't get done today, and deal with it another day -- it isn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Ha. Hahaha. “You will have a realistic awareness of what you can and cannot accomplish.” “Deal with it another day—it isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.” Hahaha.

Jack Layton and Gilles Duceppe—Cancer

If you force yourself to do something when your heart isn’t in it it’s unlikely you will make a very good job of it. Maybe it would be better to put it off until you are in a more receptive frame of mind.

Ohh. Hidden meaning?

Regarding your current struggle or debate, you should know that there are more people on your side than aren't ... and the people who aren't don't have much pull with the powers that be. Keep pushing for what you want, and keep talking to the people who can help make it happen. You're gaining real momentum, and you could reach an exciting tipping point today. Whatever has been holding you back is long gone -- and it's not coming back! Stay with this positive frame of mind.

You can tell this is Jack Layton’s horoscope because it has the words “gaining momentum” in it. I don’t see how it applies to Gilles Duceppe, though… but then he’s a borderline case, maybe he’s really a Leo. Let’s see what the Leo horoscopes are…

You seem to be holding back from taking risks, even quite small ones, and that's a shame because if you push yourself hard today chances are it will pay off in a big way. Don’t just think about it – do it!

Yep, that’s more like Duceppe…

Try not to confuse a growing sense of responsibility with a growing sense of guilt. The associations you are making with other people right now are a sign of your growth. You are more connected with a few people and it is effecting your sense of duty -- these people rely on you, and this may be a new feeling. Give yourself a chance to get used to it. But if you keep following your own goals and making decisions based on your own priorities, there is nothing wrong with that.

Is this about his association with the PQ?

Elizabeth May—Gemini

If you allow a feud to linger on much longer the results could be disastrous, so get to the root of it today and either agree to be friends or agree to stay out of each others way. Is a compromise solution really so hard?

I feel like this would have been more appropriate (or more hilarious) as Harper and Ignatieff’s horoscope.

After a spontaneous conversation with a casual acquaintance today, you could gain greater insight into the things that have been troubling you lately. The key is to listen intently and be ready to hear some things that may make you a little uncomfortable -- new ideas are not always palatable. If you ignore the realities of the external world, you won't get very far. You will have to face up to reality and pay more attention to the things that really matter.

Well, this isn’t too applicable. Except maybe the “face up to reality” part?

Anyway. If you've read this before voting, you can now vote already knowing the future!

Brain Break Time!

You know that famous picture of Stephen Harper holding a cat? New internet meme: Cats Holding Stephen Harper. (In Soviet Russia...) I made my own entry, armed with my (admittedly poor) photoshop skillz:

Speaking of cats, a pollster going door to door found more than 50 of them in one Toronto home. The owner has been arrested and charged with cruelty to animals.

On a completely unrelated note, one blog is running a poll on Canada's sexiest election candidate. It's in the final round, with four male and four female candidates left in the running from across the country (including, of course, the Liberal stud-in-residence, Justin Trudeau). The Globe and Mail subtly disapproves. "Do Canadians need to be sexually cajoled into voting?" it asks. And, "Mr. Bussey says his superficial exercise was intended 'to encourage you to vote,' but does Canada want this cohort's vote?" Don't worry, I'm sure it will be balanced out by the people who staunchly vote for the same party their father always voted for.

End-of-the-Long-Weekend Brain Break!

These Hipster Harpers brought to you via my Awesome Housemate, who is quite clever and also really into memes.

Looking for something to cook this week? Why not try family recipes from the party leaders? Try Harper's Mexican lasagna (so multi-cultural!), Ignatieff's pasta and baked vegetables (so health conscious and with an easy vegetarian option!), Jack Layton's gumdrop cake (so sweet and sugary just like Jack!), or Elizabeth May's Charleston Light Dragoon Punch (also, "the iron fist in the velvet glove," may have to try this one...).

Looking for something to do right this very minute in order to procrastinate? Why not take the federal election 2011 leaders' quiz? I got 10/20, and I totally judge Michael Ignatieff for preferring asparagus to chocolate. Who does that?

Video time!

John Roby, The Harper Song. Love the bluesy feel.



Jack Layton gives an impromptu piano concert today at lunch.



Also sings "Cockels and Mussels" on an airplane. I think I sang this song in Girl Guides as a child...



Aaaaaaand one more Hipster Harper to close it all off:

Late-night double-feature picture show

You know that Liberal candidate with the really awesome ad I liked? Now he has another video, which is also awesome. Seriously, the Liberals are winning at YouTube.



And this epic song should convince students everywhere to vote!

Some Inspirational Musical Stylings

Mid-Week Brain Break

I don't know about you, but I sure could use some silly right now. Let us see what the Internet has unearthed...

Ah ha! Vintage Voter has pictures of the party leaders as young'uns. Here is one of my favourites, Harper's high school year book picture:

Yep, that's ol' Steve-o. Considering the fate of the long form census, looks like reality is still his pet peeve. Anyway, the others are just as completely hilarious, so click through to the end. I also think they need to add this picture, of Jack Layton at a Star Trek convention.

Also, the leaders as Muppets:

Speaking of childhood memories... do you guys remember Raffi? Because IT'S RAFFI OH MY GOD IT'S RAFFI!!!!!!!



So Decision Canada started with celebrity Stephen Harper hair makeovers, which are pretty funny, and then progressed to "Chicks with Michael Ignatieff Eyes," which is just really really weird. What are they going to do next, babies with Jack Layton mustaches?

A couple of neat things. If you're interested, the CBC has a comparison of campaign ads. Also, you should go check out Vote Lab, where you can cast a virtual vote to see how different result would be under an alternate electoral system such as mixed member proportional representation.

Let's Talk about Leadership

1) The Internet is running for prime minister. I know. It's part of a movement against internet metering.



2) Judith Timson at the Globe and Mail asks, "Where are Canada's 21st-century leaders?" It's true that when our choice is between four grey-haired white guys in suits things start to feel a little bit 1867-ish. And also things can get a little boring. Asks Timson,

Four dark suits, four tasteful ties, four grey heads. Go crazy, Canada. That is what you will get no matter which major party you vote for. I ask you, where are the 21st-century leaders? Where are the political stars, male and female, of varying ethnic backgrounds, who as one professor of communications put it after the first debate, “transcend their party identity and add to the national narrative?

I love Judith Timson because the next thing she does is call Harper not just a robot but a "Teflon father-know-best bot".

Dr. Sévigny, who teaches a class in campaigns and elections, told me in a phone interview he thought the first debate seemed “incomplete” and, to use a marketing term, “off code” for the millennials and even other generations hooked into the Internet zeitgeist, the “code” being “diversity, inclusion, collegiality.”

I found the male lone gunslinger approach of each leader alienating and old-fashioned (I tried to do this, but you did that, now it’s high noon, dude). And, in a huge collegiality no-no, there was palpable loathing onstage between several of the leaders, some of it emanating from Mr. Harper, the man who wants you to give him a majority, he says, so that all this “bickering” will go away.

All true. Speaking of prime ministerial candidates and diversity and inclusion...

3) The CBC wants to know What I Would Do if I Were Prime Minister. Are you kidding me? If I were prime minister? There are SO MANY THINGS that I would do, starting with being cool and not boring, redecorating the PMO, and... hmm... oh yeah, fixing democracy.

No, in all seriousness, The National is asking people to submit one-minute videos explaining what they would do if they could be prime minister. Some of them will be shown on the show! YOU could be on the same program as Peter Mansbridge!!!

4) Um, this.

5) So the good people at Dose.ca ran all the major party leaders' names through various name generators, and the results are hilarious.

Real name: Stephen Harper

Wu-Tang Clan name: Sarkastik Professional

Hobbit name: Mungo Toadfoot of Frogmorton

Pirate name: Cap'n Casey Deadbones

Vampire name: Aelfric Brown, Devil of Bats and Shadows

Smurf name: Smoochie Smurf

--

Real name: Michael Ignatieff

Wu-Tang Clan name: Midnight Contender

Hobbit name: Berilac Danderfluff of Willowbottom

Pirate name: Drownin' Sid Bones

Vampire name: Milosh Crowley, Tiger of Beijing

Smurf name: Spooky Smurf

--

Real name: Jack Layton

Wu-Tang Clan name: Violent Desperado

Hobbit name: Sancho Brandybuck of Buckland

Pirate name: Pirate Benjamin the Bitter

Vampire name: Emperor of Angels, Consort of The Steely Moon

Smurf name: Happy Smurf

--

Real name: Gilles Duceppe

Wu-Tang Clan name: Optimistic Lyricist

Hobbit name: Moro Bracegirdle of Hardbottle

Pirate name: No-Neck Casey

Vampire name: High Priest of Night, Erebus of The Cruel

Smurf name: Ol' Mac Smurf

--

Real name: Elizabeth May

Wu-Tang Clan name: Detective Ventriloquist

Hobbit name: Peony Bulge of Hobbiton

Pirate name: "Chocolate" Blair Read

Vampire name: Magdalene Vigée-Lebrun, Leto of The Beltane Feasts

Smurf name: Summer Smurf

If you want to try the candidates in your riding, here are the links:

-Wu-Tang Clan name generator

-Hobbit name generator

-Pirate name generator

-Vampire name generator

-Smurf name generator

My riding is a close contest between Dog-Rum Doug and Rani of Scandinavia, the Mother of Sewer Rats.

Friday Night Brain Break

New tumblr: Things Harper Does to Seem Human.

Check out The Bacon Party of Canada. Their notes are my favourite. Straight-up hilarious parodies of campaign ad rhetoric.

Leavin' Stephen:


Lead Now parodies "I AM CANADIAN":


Steve Paikin interviews Rick Mercer:

I'm tired of politicking. Let's all take a break and look at pictures of cute animals.

http://www.ottawacitizen.com/travel/Photos+Baby+Animals+World/4544558/story.html

I have a friend who likes to say that you can sell anything in the world with either sex or baby animals.  Perhaps some of the candidates should pose with this adorable baby meerkat:

Or this precious cheetah cub:

Or this absolutely tiny two-headed turtle:

Or maybe we can have a renaissance of the Rhinoceros Party, renamed the Two-Headed Baby Turtle Party????